My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
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his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
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Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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