She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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