I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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