I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
