I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
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