she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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