i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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