oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
