dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
