so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
