do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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