if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
