Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Randomize
