I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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