Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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