You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
