I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
