I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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