Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
He better not be in your backpack
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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