I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
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She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
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Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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