When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
