All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I am spending my child support on dildos
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
