Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
