Your mouth is God's brothel.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
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