So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize