OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
