Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
