This is not my ceiling
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
