did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
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Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
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he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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