You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
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