ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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