You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
