I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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