you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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