Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
