you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
