I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize