Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
