are you so shy because you have an std?
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Randomize
