Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Is Oprah even human
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
