I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
