Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
