You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
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Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
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