take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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