Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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