I'm gonna have a badass scar
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Randomize
