YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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