it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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