well you can't waste a boner
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
