how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
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