Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
