when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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