I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
