you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I have tasted many bathrooms
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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