So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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