Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
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